parenthood
by Lilli89
Summary: Having a child changes everything. Even if you're a cop... (Jay x Erin)


Clueless and already waiting for her boyfriend, Erin opened the door.

It was 21 p.m. Actually her and Jay had an appointment at 20 and she already worried, feeling that something went really wrong this day.

"Jay Halstead, where have you been? You know how late it is?", she shouted, when she opened the door.

It was her day off. Since their son was born 5 years ago, Erin worked part-time, including a day without work, so she was able to spend time with David and get the household done.

Looking at her partner she noticed that something seemed out of the ordinary . So she decided to lower her voice.

His eyes seemed red from crying, he looked pale and she recognized blood on his t-shirt.

"What happened?", Erin whispered, only getting Jay to shake his head.

"It's bad. You don't wanna know", he quietly answered and entered the room. His views wandered around. It seemed like he was searching for someone.

"Dave's already in bed?"

"Sure."

Erin looked at him in confusion, raising her eye-brows. First he arrived in a really bad condition, then he directly asked about their son? After all of that she started to worry.

„Jay, are you kidding me? What is really going on with you?"

„I just want to see my son", he yelled back. But his voice broke at the end oft he sentence.

From what she could hear, it sounded like he was crying. His chest raised and lowered, while he turned his back, so he didn't had to look at her.

Lindsay placed her hand on his shoulder, gently stroking cycles with her thumb.

„Talk to me. We gonna figure it out Whatever it is."

He sniffled, then directly walked towards the children's room without responding.

Worriedly Erin watched how he sat down on the edge of Davids bed to take the pre-schoolers hand and stroked through his hair. Jay must have gone through hell. As far as she could tell, it either had to do with children or one of the latest cases let him feel lucky to be alive.

With the minutes passing by and Jay sitting on Davids mattress, staring at the dark, Erin decided to act. She had to do something and already reached for the phone, when he stood up to walk back in the living room. Silently he treated his t-shirt and replaced it with a new one before he sat down on the couch staring at the wall.

„I'm sorry. Was just a hard day", he explained, getting a nod from his wife who sat down on one of their chairs, listening to him

„Probably one of the hardest in my entire career."

Lindsay looked at him in confusion.

„Tell me", she begged while his hand nervously stroked over the back- rest of the couch.

„Did you watch the news?"

„No."

Erin denied. Since she spent the whole day by cooking and getting some paperwork done, before she walked to the playground with Dave, she didn't get the ability to watch TV.

„We were called to a shooting at a gym. But we came too late."

She swallowed hard, combining within minutes. Thats when she changed her seat, sitting right next to him.

„The offender shot six kids. All dead. All between 5 and 7", he spoke with a voice, which sounded unfamiliar to her.

Erin squeezed his hand, showing that she was with him.

He looked up at her, tears in his eyes.

„One of them was at the same age as David. Only five years old. Brown hair and green eyes", his voice broke. Erin sighed, then tenderly pulled him into a hug.

She felt he was crying. Even if the shame was too much to look her in the eyes.

Erin said nothing. She was just there, stroking his hair, holding him tight, until he felt better again.

Still ashamed Jay sniffled, quickly whiping through his face when his view wandered through an old photo, that showed him and David, shortly after his birth. Proudly he was holding his son, watching his little face and fingers.

„I've seen dead bodies. People getting shot right in front of me. It's not that I've never glanced at a dead kid before. But why does it effect me that much? What is going on with me?"

Erin shrugged her shoulders.

Even if she knew what was bothering him.

„Go next door, take a look at our son and you will know the answer."

She took his hand again.

„Jay, we're parents now. Things are different. It's not like being 28 and having a scotch at Mollys after a bank robbery anymore. You're always seeing it with the eyes of a father. And you're not the only one. We're vulnerable when it comes to kids. That is one of our weakest sides. But it's totally normal."

He nodded quietly, while she leaned on him.

„What about going to the zoo tomorrow? You pick Dave up from pre-school and afterwards you gonna have some father and son time. Just you and him and on Saturday we could visit Grand Park. He wants to try drive without training wheels so bad."

Jay forced himself to smile weakly. The distraction let him feel much better.

„Let's see."

Erin came nearer to give him a long kiss.

„I love you. You and this little monster next door", she whispered, before their lips melted for another time…


End file.
